It has been a little over a month since I started meditating daily and sometimes 2 - 3 times a day. Yes, I am aware that I am blessed enough to have the time to do it a few times a day and I truly have gratitude for that.
Meditating daily has been very life altering for me so far but if you observed my physical life from the outside, you wouldn't be able to see any changes whatsoever yet. However, the change inside has been so profound, now I don't want to go a day without meditating.
I've read about, known about and even tried meditating years ago. I always thought that it wasn't something I could do. Sitting at the same spot trying to have no thoughts? That doesn't seem very fun right? Seems pointless too. How silly I was as a person with anxiety to not have really explored this. However, I don't regret anything as I believe that there is divine timing in everything but I do remember one very small event that was probably the connection to what's happening now. It was on one day when I was telling my brother about the anxiety I had and he said that he saw Vishen Lakshmi on Mindvalley saying that I need to meditate.
The reaction I gave him was, pfftt, I tried it, you don't understand, meditation won't help me, it won't remove the anxious feeling I get. You see, it is true when they say that you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped, or that if a person is not ready to heal or not ready to receive a certain information, whatever you tell or do for them will be of no use. But it does plant a seed. What he said that day did plant a seed in me. Somehow I still kept thinking about what he said from time to time.
To keep this post short, I won't go into the unique string of events that led me to go into the practice of meditation. I guess I was finally ready to heal and was finally receptive to the information. The effects were very clear. On the days that I would start my day with meditation, the anxiousness I felt during the day would be significantly reduced. Also, it was harder for anxiety to emerge (if that makes sense). For example, during moments where I would usually feel anxious, it felt like my body could control it and keep it under.
It's also worthy to note that before I started meditating, I had been somewhat free from anxiety for some time (or so I thought lol). Basically I seldom had anxious days but after I started meditation for a few days, the anxiety came back like a bitch! Creeping up on me at all times of the day. I recognised this as a purging of old emotions and energies. A healing crisis, and so I continued meditating to pull through. During this time, it became clear to me that meditation trained my body to keep anxiety away while cleansing all the old and stored negative energy I had. I was confident that I would get to a point where my chakras (energy centers) would be so balanced that anxiety will cease to be a part of me. I no longer wanted to identify as the person who deals with anxiety or feel pity for myself for being a "victim" of this "condition" that I could surely overcome one day.
The amount of peace and love in my heart that meditation has gifted me has been crazy. I always felt that during any moment where I didn't feel anxious = feeling peace & calm. How wrong I was. I didn't know what inner peace and wholeness was until I actually felt it. In this world where we are often told that we need to be productive and achieving something at every waking moment, inner peace and being in the present moment is a foreign idea to us. Reading Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now had also been a big part of my inner transformation. I won't go into the details of the book but now I have moments where I just want to sit and savour the feeling of inner peace washing over me. It's such a unique feeling of lightness, wholeness and a fuzzy feeling all over. Sometimes I just want to close my eyes and just be.
Besides these intangible improvements I have experienced, these couple of days have been a crazy ride for what would be the tangible effects of my practice of meditation. In clearing all my chakras, I have previously felt a subtle movement of energy up all the chakras. But it had always stopped near my heart chakra. I didn't feel any movement moving past that. Sparing you all the nitty gritty details, during the past few days of my meditation, I had tremors, shakes, vibrations, involuntary body movements, contortions and convulsions. This was energy moving through me and giving me a healing.
One time, my body was twisted (involuntarily) in a way like how a chiropractor would twist you and I felt a pinch at one side of my waist where I usually had issues with. That pinch felt like a message to tell me to check it later. True enough, after the meditation, I checked to see if that part still hurt like it usually does when I placed my legs in a certain position. To my surprise, it didn't hurt anymore. And it wasn't just a temporary relief because it has been 3 days after that episode and it still doesn't hurt. It is like what Joe Dispenza says about this, my body just received a biological upgrade. By the way, my meditation practice has been largely based on Joe Dispenza's materials. It was what started me on this journey.
I watched a video by a monk (while I was searching for the answer on why I had these weird body contortions during meditation) and what he said really made sense. He said that the body is so intelligent that it knows what position to put your body in, in order for the energy to flow to that part that needs healing. I had other profound "healing sessions" during meditation and the body truly is really intelligent and knows exactly what it needs to do in order to heal you. If only you give it the right environment.
I keep a meditation journal where I record all my experiences and progress in meditation because I want to look back on my journey one day to see how far I had come.
A long time ago, I saw someone write that love is the only answer in this world. I knew what that statement meant but I didn't truly understand what it meant until now. I now know that love REALLY IS the answer. Having the elevated emotion of love vibrating in your body in such large amounts will be the answer to your physical ailments, and other negative experiences we have in this 3D physical world. Now this may sound like all hogwash to you, but hopefully one day you too, will be able to grasp what it truly means. You may say, don't tell me I'm gonna love my enemy who did this, this and this to me?!
I say yes, for your own good, you have to love your enemy or any other person who've wronged you.
Heard of love your enemy drive them crazy? The more appropriate thing would be to say, Love your enemy, set yourself free. Loving your enemy is a gift to yourself, not to your enemy. And the way to truly understand this is by doing inner work. Doing inner work is a gift to yourself and others. But ultimately a gift to your soul.
So, cultivate love in your heart today. Joy, gratitude & appreciation are also elevated emotions that will raise your vibration.
Sending love to whoever reading this. Including my future self. ❤
